Wednesday, October 22, 2003
What the...?
I just wrote a long post, brilliant of course, and somehow it got flushed. I don't know what happened but instead of being posted it disappeared. I don't know anything about how this blogging thing works -- maybe it's stored somewhere -- but I don't know how to find it. Damn!
Anyway... There's a horrible story in the news today abut a little girl in Toronto who seems to have been abducted from her bedroom.
Whenever there's a story like this the same thing happens. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it, obviously disturbed on a deep level. Then I have to exorcise the demon idea by engaging in a violent fantasy that mirrors what happened, only with me catching the bad guy and killing him or handing him over the the police (or both!). It's the only time when I think any kind of violent thought, and I've always felt slightly guilty about it, until I realized that I need to do it, perhaps to reassure myself that I can have some effect on the chaotic and unpredictable world.
Of course I know intellectually that I really don't have any kind of control over such things. I'm sure this little girl's parents never could have imagined she could be taken from the house while they slept. My midnight fantasies don't guarantee anything except that I will be able to return to sleep feeling some kind of better.
I just wrote a long post, brilliant of course, and somehow it got flushed. I don't know what happened but instead of being posted it disappeared. I don't know anything about how this blogging thing works -- maybe it's stored somewhere -- but I don't know how to find it. Damn!
Anyway... There's a horrible story in the news today abut a little girl in Toronto who seems to have been abducted from her bedroom.
Whenever there's a story like this the same thing happens. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it, obviously disturbed on a deep level. Then I have to exorcise the demon idea by engaging in a violent fantasy that mirrors what happened, only with me catching the bad guy and killing him or handing him over the the police (or both!). It's the only time when I think any kind of violent thought, and I've always felt slightly guilty about it, until I realized that I need to do it, perhaps to reassure myself that I can have some effect on the chaotic and unpredictable world.
Of course I know intellectually that I really don't have any kind of control over such things. I'm sure this little girl's parents never could have imagined she could be taken from the house while they slept. My midnight fantasies don't guarantee anything except that I will be able to return to sleep feeling some kind of better.
# posted by becca : 1:31 PM
