Me, me, me

Signs

One of the interesting things about children is the way that they use art to communicate. If given free access to to the media required, kids will express themselves non-verbally in some pretty funny and surprisingly profound ways. Today I was walking around the house, tidying, and thought about two examples of this, one from each of my older children (aged 7 and 5).

One is a poster, stuck on my kids' closet's sliding door. Behind this door is my daughter's "club house", a cute little space all her own where she reads and plays and practices songs on a mini-piano. The poster reads: "Stay out! Una's Clube. it's dandreis! Ife you come in, Olle Kike you!" Underneath this dire warning is an llustration of a big girl (interestingly, with black hair; Una's hair is blonde) delivering an apparently painful kick to a littler boy (an accurate depiction of her little brother). The poor boy's expression is one of startled dismay, and maybe pain; his mouth is open and his eyes are slitted. He appears to be running away with arms in front of him, but obviously not fast enough. This is funny, especially coming from the gentlest little girl who ever lived. She would sooner fly to the moon than chase her brother and kick him. Sadly, when he saw this poster for the first time, my son cried. His feelings were hurt. About an hour later he had made a reasonable facsimile and put it on the door to the bedroom, which they share. I hardly need mention that in his version the smaller person was the kicker.

The other example of "house art" is by my son, and it consists of a series of orange sticky-notes stuck to various objects around the house (sofa, coffee table, houseplant etc.). Each note depicts a simple rendering of the object, perhaps the way he sees it. What's interesting is that they are not simply accurate reproductions; the coffee table in the drawing has two cups of steaming coffee on it. The houseplant (a tropical, large-leafed, non-flowering plant) is represented by 2 flowers. An abstract print is represented by a different abstract drawing. I am enjoying discovering these little stickies as I wander around the house. I feel like I'm seeing my home and the objects in it in a new way.

Hoo-wee! I've been neglecting my blog again!

Watched a sort-of interesting documentary on The Fifth Estate last night, on the right-wing media going mainstream in the U.S.. Nothing I hadn't heard or read about before, but I got to see some examples of what Fox "News" actually puts on the air, since I don't have cable and have never sampled that before. It's frightening, but how seriously does the average American take Bill "Shaddup" O'Reilly? I don't know.

I do think that some balance between conservative and liberal media might come around, but it seems as if we are headed towards greater polarization before that happens. I do, however, think that a "liberal agenda" has prevailed in most of the mainstream media for decades, and although I am a dyed-in-the-wool liberal, I don't think that a liberal bias is any more conducive to truth-telling than its opposite. However, it did seem that when the liberals ran the shop there was so much more challenging of the government and its policies. The scary part of having a "conservative bias" in the media is the fact that it seems to make the news media a propaganda machine for the (obviously backwards) government and its corporate-imperialist backers.

Just a word about The Fifth Estate: This used to be a highly credible news organ, with thoughtful documentaries and really balanced, in-depth journalism. No more. In style and substance, it is rapidly descending into an easy, self-righteous, mud-slinging type of journalism, with obvious motives and transparent bias. I still watch it because, as I mentioned earlier, I don't have cable. But for truly great journalism and interesting and thoughtful documentary work, check out the PBS show Now. It is pretty much the best thing going, at least on the four channels I can tune in with my rabbit ears!

The annals of education


The sun is shining, the temperature is above minus 20 and only one of my children is still sick, so it is a comparitively good start to a new week!

The weekend was a total write off, for me anyway. I got about 3 hours sleep Friday and Saturday. However, the children had a good time; they went to the Redpath museum, one of Montreal's best-kept secrets and a great place for both kids and adults. D. learned something new while there: The amphitheatre in that building was the only place where the first female students at McGill were allowed to take courses. They had to use a separate door from the men to enter and exit. As he was being told this history, D. nodded knowingly and commented with grave seriousness, "uh huh...cooties." At which point the kids fell about laughing.

Education continues apace.

Sh-sh-sh...it's okay...it's okay...

Things are much better today. A little sleep will do that for a person. Thanks for listening (reading) and for your kind comments.

I went out with a friend today, to the warehouse sale of a leading children's clothing manufacturer. This is out of character for me, the anti-shopper, but these are super-good kids' clothes for incredibly-reduced prices. Socks for 1.50, sleepers or pants or shirts for 3.00, even women't slacks and jeans (nice ones!) for 3.00. It was good, and my friend stayed for lunch after dropping me off. Social time heals some of the battle scars of young(ish) motherhood, especially when said friend blasts Joe Strummer on the car stereo all the way.

Best of all, the kids are all better and acting like themselves again. Smiles from de baby make ev'ry ting irie.

Want to read something kinda cool? My sister's blog has a good entry today.

Whadda week

So far this has been one helluva week. I am in the thick of the jungle of motherhood.

The baby is sick and hasn't slept for the last two nights, and won't let me out of her sight for even a second without wailing piteously. My older daughter was off school sick on Monday, and my son has been off for the last two days with a bad flu. So it was after an entirely sleepless night, and toting two sick children around in the car that I went to do my knowledge test (for the driver's permit) yesterday. I passed. Hooray. I'm officially as smart as the biggest morons in the world who also have permission to drive a car.

I need sleep. I need a vacation in Hawaii. I need to go and see a movie and spend a couple of hours away from being needed so badly by so many people. Help.

The test

Today I am trying to grab time for studying for my "knowledge test" (for driver's permit), in between housework and baby/children duties. My test is tomorrow and my wonderful husband will take some time off work to drive me to the testing place and look after the baby while I write the test. I really appreciate it, especially since he is still new at his job.

I had plotted out my trip to get there using public transit, but couldn't find anyone who could look after the baby once I got there (or here at home while I was to be away). My mom teaches a bible study class three mornings a week and she can't really cancel that, as she teaches quite a number of people in each group.

I had a panic when I realized last week that my birth certificate isn't the kind required to get my driving permit, so I had to apply for a new one and pay extra for express expedition. Then I realized last night that there is a whole other book I was supposed to have studied that I haven't looked at yet. Zoinks!

Hub told me that his friend has the whole test - with answers - on disc at home. He says that if you answer the question "What can't you transport in the back of a pick-up?" with the answer "a dog", you get the easier version of the test. What the...?

When people wonder why I haven't got my license before this, I can now tell them with conviction: It's hard to take care of all the bureaucratic and family arrangements and find time to study! I really haven't studied nearly as much as I would have liked, and don't even feel confident that I will pass this thing. Talk about humiliating! Let's hope I get the easy test. I'll be looking for that dog in the back of a pick-up truck.

Wish me luck, please, cuz I'm gonna need it.

It's a shame

Listened to a great interview with Tom Wolfe yesterday on CBC's Writers & Co.. They (he and Eleanor Wachtel) got into a discussion of humiliation, one of the most common and potentially formative and destructive human experiences. This led me to muse on my own life and on what I am trying to impart to my children. I have been humiliated in ways small and large very many times in my life, and it's excruciating. But I feel that I have reached a point where I have enough self-knowledge and sense of humour to get over (mildly) humiliating things fairly easily. The bigger humiliations, though, I don't know about.

Before he met me, my hubby's longtime live-in girlfriend left him for his friend. When we talked about that experience he told me that the overwhelming emotion he felt about it was shame. I thought this was strange; after all, they had done him wrong, why whould he feel ashamed? But I think I understand now what he meant. It's humiliating to be left, betrayed; it confirms all of your darkest thoughts about yourself, or seems to, and you know that part of it is your fault as well. You replay and reimagine all the things you could have done differently.

But ultimately, it becomes part of the past, and in retrospect even the most painful humiliations don't matter much except as learning experiences -- hopefully.

My daughter is getting to the age where kids try to hurt and humiliate one another every day. It's fucking hard to be in Grade 2. I tell her that bad things happen to everyone, and that knowing who you are and choosing the positive response is the only way to keep your dignity when it seems that everyone is against you. And talking about it -- talking about it makes it seem so much smaller and more manageable. Someday the feeling will just be a memory, and the kids who hurt you won't even be that.

As much as I hate humiliation, I would gladly take it on for her, so that she wouldn't have to go through it.

Poor Baby

Went to the dentist's yesterday, for a triple appointment for me and the two kids. The baby, who is 8 months old now, really didn't like seeing two strangers going at her mommy with strange metal implements that whirr and spray. At least I think that's why she was a basket case for most of my cleaning and polishing. Once I could cuddle her she was in good spirits again, but breathing those heartbreaking jagged breaths while sucking her little thumb.

Speaking of thumb-sucking: My daughter who's 7 might need braces in a couple of years because her thumb-sucking ('til she was 5) has given her an overbite. I'm still hopeful that it will correct itself but we'll see... On the upside, no cavities in any of our mouths, and we're all "good brushers", a dentist complement that makes me feel inordinately proud. I guess I'm kinda starved for positive feedback now that I'm a stay-at-home mom; not enough people telling me how smart, funny and well-dressed I am here... I'll take the tooth-bushing thing and milk that for a while I guess. **siiiigh**

It had to happen

Yup. Yesterday my son pee'd in his snowsuit. I think we're doing pretty well -- January 10th! He got in trouble though, not for peeing in his suit, but because when I asked why he didn't come in earlier and go in the toilet he yelled "Well, of course it's hard to get all my stuff off!" He says "of course" all the time, and although that's cute, he's definitely not allowed to yell at his mother. So upstairs he went to change his clothes and sit on his bed quietly for a while.

There is no end to laundry, is there? Death, taxes and laundry. The Unholy Triumvirate.

Well, hello there! And how are you?

Sorry I haven't blogged in ages. With all the kids at home I have no real time to myself, to gather my deep, fascinating thoughts and put them down for you to imbibe and enjoy and ponder...

Actually, I have been wondering how to blog after the terrible thing that has happened in south asia. I notice that none of the blogs I read regularly have broached the subject, and who can blame us? What does one say about such a mind-boggling disaster?

I do want to say this: I don't know how to get my mind around it. When something terrible happens I need to imagine it for myself, after seeing and hearing and reading what I can about those who experienced it. But I haven't really seen images that show me what it was like when that wall of water came down upon the coasts, how people were swept up, wounded by debris, sucked back into the ocean to be lost forever to those left on land. To use a cliche'd phrase that I like, it "beggars the imagination". I can't imagine it, and when I try I feel only confusion and dread-filled surprise that this was even possible.

There's a short article by Jonathan Schell in The Nation. He said this: "As in nuclear war, the many tales of individual survival both brought the experience to life and yet at the same time seemed to falsify it. For at its heart were the tens of thousands who had perished and could tell nothing."

That sums it up. I feel empty of imagination, unable to climb on top of it and look at it and measure it with my mind. I guess that's appropriate; some things are too large to imagine, and cannot be contained in something as limited and limiting as mind or imagination.

What I do think about is this: Those bodies floating near the shore and scattered about on land were people, people who made love, were held on their mothers ' hips, gossiped and looked at the stars. The numbers of the dead were among the numbers of the living just moments before.