Wednesday, February 11, 2004
February's monkey
It's time for another monkey, where bloggers wax philosophic on a monthly topic:
This month it's "Times in your life when you felt really alive"
I feel lucky to have experienced an intense life so far, with mostly positive "moments of being".
There are certainly too many, and some too private, to enumerate here, but here's a sampling. Feel free to share your own in the comments below!
Grade one arm-break
By definition, childhood is a time of intense experience. Once I slipped on black ice while walking to the bus stop and broke a bone in my forearm. I remember everything about it: the ice, the pain, the embarrassed explanation to my bus dirver and his kindness and attention; sitting in the gym playing with a badminton birdie that the gym teacher gave me to occupy me 'til my mom came; the cast, the cast removal with bizarre flaky skin and a weird smell (feeling like my arm was a separate entity), showing my x-ray for show-and-tell. Not the first and not the last broken bone, but a show-stopper.
Tripping on drugs
I had a pretty drug-warped adolescence, and experienced many frightening and memorable experiences that are bizarre and unbelievable even now. The best drugs for feeling totally "alive", albeit in an artificial way: THC and coccaine. (Oh, and just say "no" to drugs, kids!!)
Sleeping in a cave on Crete
My whole Europe experience was one of feeling truly alive, but one very strong memory is from the four days I spent with my two pals and five randy Australian guys (gorgeous!) on Crete. Our accomodations were in a cave, and one night I came back from the bar before the others and crashed. The darkness was so complete it was like having my head in a black velvet bag. Out of nowhere I felt my head brutally nudged, and I was totally spooked and jumped straight up in my sleeping bag. I heard the receding sound of a bell: the one belonging to the displaced goat who normally frequented the cave. He must have been checking to see if it was time to come back.
Love
Of course! The time when D. and I were first together is, again, full of those moments. An early one was when, after weeks of sitting and talking in my living room, we got close on the "clam couch" (remember those rattan seats from Pier I?) and he kissed me -- well his lips brushed my cheek, seemingly in passing. That was all it took, and we've been together ever since. I will never forget seeing him walking around in my purple satin robe the next morning (we didn't make love that night, but he did sleep over), looking like a stick-insect in drag, and thinking "He's a total geek, but I'm crazy about him". Still true fifteen years later.
Everything about having babies
But childbirth is definitely the most intense experience imaginable, where you are returned to your animal self in no uncertain terms. I really felt that there was no difference between myself and any cow or horse or seal or other mammal that labours (good word) to get that thing out of her body, finally! And I did it all, both times, without any pain killers. And I'll do it again in approximately 2 months! Incidentally, I have a new love and affinity for animal mothers of all species.
These are just a few of those moments that you touch and roll around between your fingers like pearls on a necklace. Raising my children I pretty much always feel really alive, with show-stopping moments occuring with amazing frequency. I just said to D. last night "We're in heaven here, right now!" and I believe that it's true. But I also believe that the worst moments of pain and of fear are beautiful in the way that they open up your mind and your spirit to a new way of understanding what you are and where you are in the universe.
Talk about waxin' philosophical! Hooooo-weee!
It's time for another monkey, where bloggers wax philosophic on a monthly topic:
This month it's "Times in your life when you felt really alive"
I feel lucky to have experienced an intense life so far, with mostly positive "moments of being".
There are certainly too many, and some too private, to enumerate here, but here's a sampling. Feel free to share your own in the comments below!
Grade one arm-break
By definition, childhood is a time of intense experience. Once I slipped on black ice while walking to the bus stop and broke a bone in my forearm. I remember everything about it: the ice, the pain, the embarrassed explanation to my bus dirver and his kindness and attention; sitting in the gym playing with a badminton birdie that the gym teacher gave me to occupy me 'til my mom came; the cast, the cast removal with bizarre flaky skin and a weird smell (feeling like my arm was a separate entity), showing my x-ray for show-and-tell. Not the first and not the last broken bone, but a show-stopper.
Tripping on drugs
I had a pretty drug-warped adolescence, and experienced many frightening and memorable experiences that are bizarre and unbelievable even now. The best drugs for feeling totally "alive", albeit in an artificial way: THC and coccaine. (Oh, and just say "no" to drugs, kids!!)
Sleeping in a cave on Crete
My whole Europe experience was one of feeling truly alive, but one very strong memory is from the four days I spent with my two pals and five randy Australian guys (gorgeous!) on Crete. Our accomodations were in a cave, and one night I came back from the bar before the others and crashed. The darkness was so complete it was like having my head in a black velvet bag. Out of nowhere I felt my head brutally nudged, and I was totally spooked and jumped straight up in my sleeping bag. I heard the receding sound of a bell: the one belonging to the displaced goat who normally frequented the cave. He must have been checking to see if it was time to come back.
Love
Of course! The time when D. and I were first together is, again, full of those moments. An early one was when, after weeks of sitting and talking in my living room, we got close on the "clam couch" (remember those rattan seats from Pier I?) and he kissed me -- well his lips brushed my cheek, seemingly in passing. That was all it took, and we've been together ever since. I will never forget seeing him walking around in my purple satin robe the next morning (we didn't make love that night, but he did sleep over), looking like a stick-insect in drag, and thinking "He's a total geek, but I'm crazy about him". Still true fifteen years later.
Everything about having babies
But childbirth is definitely the most intense experience imaginable, where you are returned to your animal self in no uncertain terms. I really felt that there was no difference between myself and any cow or horse or seal or other mammal that labours (good word) to get that thing out of her body, finally! And I did it all, both times, without any pain killers. And I'll do it again in approximately 2 months! Incidentally, I have a new love and affinity for animal mothers of all species.
These are just a few of those moments that you touch and roll around between your fingers like pearls on a necklace. Raising my children I pretty much always feel really alive, with show-stopping moments occuring with amazing frequency. I just said to D. last night "We're in heaven here, right now!" and I believe that it's true. But I also believe that the worst moments of pain and of fear are beautiful in the way that they open up your mind and your spirit to a new way of understanding what you are and where you are in the universe.
Talk about waxin' philosophical! Hooooo-weee!
# posted by becca : 8:07 AM
