Thursday, February 16, 2006
Morbid? It depends
Lately I've been having dreams where I am with someone who is dying. I mean really dying, in hospital and only a few minutes away from slipping away forever. This leaves me feeling very sad and unsettled when I wake up. Even though the dying person in the dream is never someone I know in my waking life, I think she is an amalgam of several people.
When I was in the middle of one of these dreams my baby woke up and I stumbled out of bed to get her. While sitting there on the couch in her room I was still half asleep and thinking about dying in a hospital with people around my bed. Then I thought about what it would be like if my mother were dying in a hospital bed or her own bed, with all of us around her. To me, that has always seemed like a good way to go, surrounded by your loved ones, etc. But in that sleepy state I thought no, that's not good enough. I would want to crawl into her bed and snuggle, hold her close to me while she left this world, so that she could feel warmth and human skin and muscles and smell the smell of someone who loved her.
So I've told Dave that that's what he has to do for me if it ever comes to that. I needed to be held close when I came into this world, and I hope I can be held close when I pass out of it.
Lately I've been having dreams where I am with someone who is dying. I mean really dying, in hospital and only a few minutes away from slipping away forever. This leaves me feeling very sad and unsettled when I wake up. Even though the dying person in the dream is never someone I know in my waking life, I think she is an amalgam of several people.
When I was in the middle of one of these dreams my baby woke up and I stumbled out of bed to get her. While sitting there on the couch in her room I was still half asleep and thinking about dying in a hospital with people around my bed. Then I thought about what it would be like if my mother were dying in a hospital bed or her own bed, with all of us around her. To me, that has always seemed like a good way to go, surrounded by your loved ones, etc. But in that sleepy state I thought no, that's not good enough. I would want to crawl into her bed and snuggle, hold her close to me while she left this world, so that she could feel warmth and human skin and muscles and smell the smell of someone who loved her.
So I've told Dave that that's what he has to do for me if it ever comes to that. I needed to be held close when I came into this world, and I hope I can be held close when I pass out of it.
# posted by becca : 7:55 AM
