Wednesday, September 06, 2006
On marriage
Okay, so the site meter does work; I was just too stupid (duh!) to know it.
I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage and how things can fall apart and why some marriages last while others don't, regardless of the amount or nature of the love involved.
D. and I have been married for 11 years now, and things are good between us, maybe even great. I feel incredibly lucky to be with someone who is so perfect for me. I think about what it would be like if it all fell apart. The word that comes to me is Disaster. Everything in my life, all my hopes and plans for the future, everything I can imagine for myself is built upon the foundation of this marriage. For me total commitment equals total investment, so if we ever broke up I would be completely devastated, even if I did manage to continue on and manage my life and my family.
We've had hard times in our relationship. There was even a time where I saw how our marriage could fail, if we didn't do something about it. What could have killed it was the erosion of respect. Once our esteem and admiration for one another started to fail (the result of lots of petty things that added up), we were on the road to a place where we could say Fine, I'd be better off on my own (or with someone else). It takes work to get back to one another, to remember what it is that you value in one another. Perhaps the most difficult part is that it takes more forgiveness and humility than anyone ever thinks they're capable of.
A phrase that comes often to my mind, one that comes from Dr. Phil, strange to say, really does make more and more sense to me the more life I live: Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?
Okay, so the site meter does work; I was just too stupid (duh!) to know it.
I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage and how things can fall apart and why some marriages last while others don't, regardless of the amount or nature of the love involved.
D. and I have been married for 11 years now, and things are good between us, maybe even great. I feel incredibly lucky to be with someone who is so perfect for me. I think about what it would be like if it all fell apart. The word that comes to me is Disaster. Everything in my life, all my hopes and plans for the future, everything I can imagine for myself is built upon the foundation of this marriage. For me total commitment equals total investment, so if we ever broke up I would be completely devastated, even if I did manage to continue on and manage my life and my family.
We've had hard times in our relationship. There was even a time where I saw how our marriage could fail, if we didn't do something about it. What could have killed it was the erosion of respect. Once our esteem and admiration for one another started to fail (the result of lots of petty things that added up), we were on the road to a place where we could say Fine, I'd be better off on my own (or with someone else). It takes work to get back to one another, to remember what it is that you value in one another. Perhaps the most difficult part is that it takes more forgiveness and humility than anyone ever thinks they're capable of.
A phrase that comes often to my mind, one that comes from Dr. Phil, strange to say, really does make more and more sense to me the more life I live: Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?
# posted by becca : 9:32 AM
