Thursday, September 30, 2004
Plans for Thanksgiving
The family gathering this year is going to be at my sister's up north, a wonderful place for a thanksgiving party, except for one thing: traffic. Last year it took us 3 and a half hours to get there (it should take about one hour) because everyone goes up to that same area to see the leaves on Thanksgiving weekend. I can't do that kind of drive this year, with a baby in the backseat, so I'm wondering what we should do...Of course we will go, but maybe we should go real early (blech!) or just take a chance and turn around if the traffic looks like it did last year.
It was so wonderful once we got there last year that I felt the awful drive up (barely moving for 2/3 of the way) was worth it. But the baby would be so miserable in that situation, not to mention the fact that I would need to nurse her.
I guess it's gotta be early. I'm not very good at early.
Thanks for listening.
The family gathering this year is going to be at my sister's up north, a wonderful place for a thanksgiving party, except for one thing: traffic. Last year it took us 3 and a half hours to get there (it should take about one hour) because everyone goes up to that same area to see the leaves on Thanksgiving weekend. I can't do that kind of drive this year, with a baby in the backseat, so I'm wondering what we should do...Of course we will go, but maybe we should go real early (blech!) or just take a chance and turn around if the traffic looks like it did last year.
It was so wonderful once we got there last year that I felt the awful drive up (barely moving for 2/3 of the way) was worth it. But the baby would be so miserable in that situation, not to mention the fact that I would need to nurse her.
I guess it's gotta be early. I'm not very good at early.
Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
A sad case
Once again Canadians are mired in the moral quandary that is assisted suicide. A Montreal woman is charged with murder in the death of her son, who suffered from MS, and ended his own life a few days ago, with her help.
This is one of those difficult issues that probably requires legislation or legal precedent to regulate it, but is so intensely personal and intimate that it seems impossible and even wrong to step into it with police and judges and prison sentences.
The Latimer case in Western Canada a few years ago still remains with many who witnessed it in the news. A man killed his severely disabled daughter who lived in constant pain and was incapable of living what most people would qualify as a real life. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison. That case was not, strictly speaking, assisted suicide, since the daughter was too young to wish to do away with herself. Still, the sentence seems wrong to me, but I can't see any alternative in the present legal system. I remember that groups representing people with disabilities applauded the sentence, and I understand why: You can't open the door to allowing family members to kill those with disabilities or illnesses. Even in clear-cut assisted suicides, it is too difficult to determine beyond doubt that the death was, in fact, the wish of the dead person in every case. Was he coerced? Was he depressed, and were there alternatives that were not explored?
I believe that those who wish to die should be allowed to kill themselves. But when they involve family members doubts are bound to arise. Is there a solution? Perhaps doctor-assisted suicide would remove the question of personal motivation from the "assistant". If that were legal, counselling and alternative help could be presented to each sufferer before the end. Then at least we would know that death was the wish-fulfillment of the suffering person, and their devastated families wouldn't be further plagued with arrests, legal proceedings and jail terms.
Once again Canadians are mired in the moral quandary that is assisted suicide. A Montreal woman is charged with murder in the death of her son, who suffered from MS, and ended his own life a few days ago, with her help.
This is one of those difficult issues that probably requires legislation or legal precedent to regulate it, but is so intensely personal and intimate that it seems impossible and even wrong to step into it with police and judges and prison sentences.
The Latimer case in Western Canada a few years ago still remains with many who witnessed it in the news. A man killed his severely disabled daughter who lived in constant pain and was incapable of living what most people would qualify as a real life. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison. That case was not, strictly speaking, assisted suicide, since the daughter was too young to wish to do away with herself. Still, the sentence seems wrong to me, but I can't see any alternative in the present legal system. I remember that groups representing people with disabilities applauded the sentence, and I understand why: You can't open the door to allowing family members to kill those with disabilities or illnesses. Even in clear-cut assisted suicides, it is too difficult to determine beyond doubt that the death was, in fact, the wish of the dead person in every case. Was he coerced? Was he depressed, and were there alternatives that were not explored?
I believe that those who wish to die should be allowed to kill themselves. But when they involve family members doubts are bound to arise. Is there a solution? Perhaps doctor-assisted suicide would remove the question of personal motivation from the "assistant". If that were legal, counselling and alternative help could be presented to each sufferer before the end. Then at least we would know that death was the wish-fulfillment of the suffering person, and their devastated families wouldn't be further plagued with arrests, legal proceedings and jail terms.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Time for flowers
Feeling good today; a headache that plagued me for the last 3 days has finally lifted and I'm feeling strong.
D. brought me flowers home yesterday, a beautiful surprise that makes me smile everytime I look over at them. I'm very lucky. My kids are always picking flowers for me, most of the time out of our own garden, and I must admit I'm a little bit negligent about them. I'll stick them on top of the stroller if we're out walking, and then forget to bring them in to put them in water. Then the giver will spot them lying shrivelled on the front walk and point out my neglect in a hurt voice. I feel a twinge of guilt, then I move on to doing something else. I guess that's the definition of spoiled: I get so many gifts of flowers I don't care about them so much anymore. This is a part of my motherhood that frustrates me. I can't appreciate all the sweetness and beauty of it. Why? It's hard to say...I'm so busy, there's so much to yell and nag about, I'm a big jerk and a control freak. I don't know why, really. I wish that I were able to slow down and just be grateful and kind, but so far I haven't managed to do that. In fact, things seem to be speeding up as the kids get older. That's why I'm happy to have my days alone with the baby. It feels like a reprieve. I really missed "being on baby time", where it might take you two hours to get from saying "let's go for a walk" to actually getting out the door, because you stop to look at the ceiling fan, you sing a song of sixpence, you spend ten minutes kissing cream-bun cheeks, etc. In short, you live a little of the polymorphous sensual experience of a baby. I had really missed that, as I said, and I'm glad to live it again, if only for five hours a day.
Feeling good today; a headache that plagued me for the last 3 days has finally lifted and I'm feeling strong.
D. brought me flowers home yesterday, a beautiful surprise that makes me smile everytime I look over at them. I'm very lucky. My kids are always picking flowers for me, most of the time out of our own garden, and I must admit I'm a little bit negligent about them. I'll stick them on top of the stroller if we're out walking, and then forget to bring them in to put them in water. Then the giver will spot them lying shrivelled on the front walk and point out my neglect in a hurt voice. I feel a twinge of guilt, then I move on to doing something else. I guess that's the definition of spoiled: I get so many gifts of flowers I don't care about them so much anymore. This is a part of my motherhood that frustrates me. I can't appreciate all the sweetness and beauty of it. Why? It's hard to say...I'm so busy, there's so much to yell and nag about, I'm a big jerk and a control freak. I don't know why, really. I wish that I were able to slow down and just be grateful and kind, but so far I haven't managed to do that. In fact, things seem to be speeding up as the kids get older. That's why I'm happy to have my days alone with the baby. It feels like a reprieve. I really missed "being on baby time", where it might take you two hours to get from saying "let's go for a walk" to actually getting out the door, because you stop to look at the ceiling fan, you sing a song of sixpence, you spend ten minutes kissing cream-bun cheeks, etc. In short, you live a little of the polymorphous sensual experience of a baby. I had really missed that, as I said, and I'm glad to live it again, if only for five hours a day.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Warning: baby post
Let me tell you a little about my baby: She's four months old and the size of an average 10-month old. She's fat and she has light brown hair and black eyes that glitter with joy and intelligence. She is, I think, a happy soul and I would say that her desire to communicate has been her most surprising and interesting characeristic since the day she was born. Although she cries, she has never been content to just complain and let me figure out what's wrong. Right from the beginning of her life I have noticed that she is trying to tell me something.
She, more than my others I believe, is incredibly attached to me. Although my bond with all my children has been super-strong since birth, with her it is very obvious that she wants me and as long as I'm there everything is okay. She will tolerate others, and enjoys her dad and brother and sister, but she always has one eye on me. She also responds to my moods, and when I am under stress it shows in her. Her first night, when we were in the hospital, she screamed all night (well, for four hours, but it seemed like all night). It should have been very stressful, as I was sharing a room with 3 other women, and I wasn't on the post-partum ward, so there were not a lot of babies around, but even as she screamed bloody murder I was smiling my head off. I just couldn't get over how cute her little face was. I still sort of giggle when she cries sometimes because she just looks so damn cute. I'm smitten, there's no doubt.
I'm sure it's not for everyone, but I highly recommend having a "bonus baby" when your children are a little older. She feels like such an unexpected gift, and my joy in having her is multiplied by the joy she creates in my other children and in our home.
Okay, that's it. Do not fear; this will not become a baby blog. I just thought I should communicate a little of what is really the biggest thing in my life right now.
Let me tell you a little about my baby: She's four months old and the size of an average 10-month old. She's fat and she has light brown hair and black eyes that glitter with joy and intelligence. She is, I think, a happy soul and I would say that her desire to communicate has been her most surprising and interesting characeristic since the day she was born. Although she cries, she has never been content to just complain and let me figure out what's wrong. Right from the beginning of her life I have noticed that she is trying to tell me something.
She, more than my others I believe, is incredibly attached to me. Although my bond with all my children has been super-strong since birth, with her it is very obvious that she wants me and as long as I'm there everything is okay. She will tolerate others, and enjoys her dad and brother and sister, but she always has one eye on me. She also responds to my moods, and when I am under stress it shows in her. Her first night, when we were in the hospital, she screamed all night (well, for four hours, but it seemed like all night). It should have been very stressful, as I was sharing a room with 3 other women, and I wasn't on the post-partum ward, so there were not a lot of babies around, but even as she screamed bloody murder I was smiling my head off. I just couldn't get over how cute her little face was. I still sort of giggle when she cries sometimes because she just looks so damn cute. I'm smitten, there's no doubt.
I'm sure it's not for everyone, but I highly recommend having a "bonus baby" when your children are a little older. She feels like such an unexpected gift, and my joy in having her is multiplied by the joy she creates in my other children and in our home.
Okay, that's it. Do not fear; this will not become a baby blog. I just thought I should communicate a little of what is really the biggest thing in my life right now.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Missing them
The kids went to spend yesterday and last night at my sister's place, a little treat for them (and for her, I hope). It's the first time that D. and I have been without them in the house overnight. They once stayed over at our next-door neighbours', but we went to a B & B that time, so didn't miss their presence in our home. I'm surprised at how intensely I miss them, particularly since the baby is here with us. I think she notices their absence too, but how can I be certain of that?
Speaking of missing, I am still missing my sister in Africa pretty badly, 'tho reading her blog helps a little. I can experience some of her adventure vicariously. So can you if you're interested.
Who am I not missing? D's mother, I'm sorry to say. Her visit to Montreal turned out to be an enormous snub of our family, resulting in tears and confusion on the part of my daughter, who is old enough to know when something's not right, and utter confusion and anger on my part and hurt on D's. I don't know what's going on with her, but there's no excuse for not wanting to see your grandchildren, especially a new baby granddaughter.
Lucky for us, my side of the family is here in Canada, and about as large and loving (if somewhat insane) a family as anyone could hope for.
My favourite time of year is not letting me down. The weather is cool and bright and the world is colourful and fresh. The geese are leaving for warmer climes, thrilling my heart with their noisy passage over our house. I've seen and heard them four times in the last week, and every time my eyes fill with tears and my heart beats faster and I breathe a little deeper. I don't know why I love them so much; they make me feel connected to the world around me I guess. It's a primal thing, I think.
I'll miss them too, until they come again.
The kids went to spend yesterday and last night at my sister's place, a little treat for them (and for her, I hope). It's the first time that D. and I have been without them in the house overnight. They once stayed over at our next-door neighbours', but we went to a B & B that time, so didn't miss their presence in our home. I'm surprised at how intensely I miss them, particularly since the baby is here with us. I think she notices their absence too, but how can I be certain of that?
Speaking of missing, I am still missing my sister in Africa pretty badly, 'tho reading her blog helps a little. I can experience some of her adventure vicariously. So can you if you're interested.
Who am I not missing? D's mother, I'm sorry to say. Her visit to Montreal turned out to be an enormous snub of our family, resulting in tears and confusion on the part of my daughter, who is old enough to know when something's not right, and utter confusion and anger on my part and hurt on D's. I don't know what's going on with her, but there's no excuse for not wanting to see your grandchildren, especially a new baby granddaughter.
Lucky for us, my side of the family is here in Canada, and about as large and loving (if somewhat insane) a family as anyone could hope for.
My favourite time of year is not letting me down. The weather is cool and bright and the world is colourful and fresh. The geese are leaving for warmer climes, thrilling my heart with their noisy passage over our house. I've seen and heard them four times in the last week, and every time my eyes fill with tears and my heart beats faster and I breathe a little deeper. I don't know why I love them so much; they make me feel connected to the world around me I guess. It's a primal thing, I think.
I'll miss them too, until they come again.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Free
Another beautiful day here, with leaves just beginning to turn on some trees and still green everywhere else. The maple that gives shade to our backyeard is the earliest tree to change colour every year. It starts to turn in late August; already it is completely red, or what leaves are left, anyway -- about half of them are already on the ground. It fills the view from the baby's bedroom window and I love to look at it as I sit and nurse her with no sound but the birds outside and her little gulps and breaths as she drinks.
The bigger ones are at school. It's pizza day today, where they get pizza ordered in. The last day of every month is pizza day and "free dress day", when they don't have to wear the school colours. I think it's a good idea, and they look forward to it. It's the first time for the littler one, and he's totally into it. He wore his coolest shirt, the one with the skull on it that says "Honor or Glory", whatever that means.
I looked at my atlas this morning, now that I know the name of the village in Botswana where my sister will live for the next two years. It's in between the Kalahari game preserve and a national park. I vowed to myself that I would do my best to get there for a visit before the two years is up. I miss her.
My great friend is coming over today to take me and the baby out for a few hours. It should be fun. I'd better go and shower and dress. Life seems so leisurely and luxurious today somehow. Must be the sunshine and the air at this perfect temperature.
Another beautiful day here, with leaves just beginning to turn on some trees and still green everywhere else. The maple that gives shade to our backyeard is the earliest tree to change colour every year. It starts to turn in late August; already it is completely red, or what leaves are left, anyway -- about half of them are already on the ground. It fills the view from the baby's bedroom window and I love to look at it as I sit and nurse her with no sound but the birds outside and her little gulps and breaths as she drinks.
The bigger ones are at school. It's pizza day today, where they get pizza ordered in. The last day of every month is pizza day and "free dress day", when they don't have to wear the school colours. I think it's a good idea, and they look forward to it. It's the first time for the littler one, and he's totally into it. He wore his coolest shirt, the one with the skull on it that says "Honor or Glory", whatever that means.
I looked at my atlas this morning, now that I know the name of the village in Botswana where my sister will live for the next two years. It's in between the Kalahari game preserve and a national park. I vowed to myself that I would do my best to get there for a visit before the two years is up. I miss her.
My great friend is coming over today to take me and the baby out for a few hours. It should be fun. I'd better go and shower and dress. Life seems so leisurely and luxurious today somehow. Must be the sunshine and the air at this perfect temperature.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Is there anyone there?
Boy oh boy. So much has happened since my last post, but just let me explain my long absence to anyone who is masochistic enough to keep tuning in here...
My computer has been out of service for about two months, so this is the first day that I have checked in to the 'net for that long. My hotmail account was wiped out completely, so if anyone has sent me e-mails on that account I didn't get to see them. But I'm back, baby!!!
A short review of what's been goin' on: D. got a good job doing something he really likes and wanted to do but never thought he could; the two older kids are both in school and I am at home with my baby girl; D.'s mother came from England for two weeks and only visited us for about four hours out of the whole time, even though she was staying in the same area; sadly for me and happily for her, my sister A. has moved to Botswana for 2 years; my baby is huge and growing bigger every day; An old friend got married and his wedding was wonderful.
It's fall and it's gorgeous and I'm doing yoga most days. Life is good and shiny and smells like fresh-cut grass.
Boy oh boy. So much has happened since my last post, but just let me explain my long absence to anyone who is masochistic enough to keep tuning in here...
My computer has been out of service for about two months, so this is the first day that I have checked in to the 'net for that long. My hotmail account was wiped out completely, so if anyone has sent me e-mails on that account I didn't get to see them. But I'm back, baby!!!
A short review of what's been goin' on: D. got a good job doing something he really likes and wanted to do but never thought he could; the two older kids are both in school and I am at home with my baby girl; D.'s mother came from England for two weeks and only visited us for about four hours out of the whole time, even though she was staying in the same area; sadly for me and happily for her, my sister A. has moved to Botswana for 2 years; my baby is huge and growing bigger every day; An old friend got married and his wedding was wonderful.
It's fall and it's gorgeous and I'm doing yoga most days. Life is good and shiny and smells like fresh-cut grass.
