Me, me, me

So when's it gonna get warm, already?

Man, we could really use a serious temperature lift, eh? But life is good. Now that I'm not working I probably won't be posting as often; and there's bound to be a hiatus after the baby comes...

My friends at work threw a little party for me on my last day and said some really wonderful, generous things to me that made me feel loved. They also pitched in and bought some adorable baby clothes. Then on Easter Sunday at my mum's, there was a surprise shower from my sisters and mum and niece. It was a great surprise and I received all kinds of very lovely and very useful things.

I'm sick now, which makes me want to sleep even more than usual, but life is oh, so mellow, which is just right.

Oh --- unfortunately it seems that I spoke too soon about D's job. It hasn't come through, but he does have an interview on Friday morning. I'm not too worried about it; things have a way of working out, and I still have another couple of paycheques coming before we reach absolute destitution. And of course I'm always hoping that there'll be a big ol' tax refund comin' our way....

I have a feeling I'm going to miss my work a little bit. But I'm looking forward to the next phase in my life. I can't wait to meet this little baby!

Good news day


Had a decent night's sleep last night. Yay! It makes the world a better, more colourful place.

Of course, the fact that today is my last day of work might also make things feel lighter and happier. It's so fun; everytime I tell my son "(Tomorrow/today) is my last day of work!" He gets this little frisson of excitement and the cutest smile and lets out a quiet little "yay!" I'm looking forward to summer in the parks and pool and backyard with the children.

Oh, and good news, although it's not absolutely confirmed...D. has a job! Talk about good timing. We were worried that he might get a job and have to start before I finished my work, which would create a massive babysitting headache. As it is, if he does take this job he will start Wednesday. Couldn't be better timed.

Obviously someone is looking out for us.

Overrated

What's overrated?

Anything brand-name. Come on, suckers. It's just advertising.

Tim Horton's coffee. I mean, seriously? Yuck. I thought we were more sophisticated here.

Bridget Jones books. Maybe I just don't get it, but aren't these things a tad regressive? Maybe my disdain for "kooky" brit chicks who drink too much colours my judgement.

Highlights. Hate 'em. Always have, always will. Butterscotch hair is not attractive; not on a 48-year-old Westmount mom, and not on a 14-year-old teenager. And not on you. Just say no.

Denim, in all its forms. Not comfortable, not particularly good-looking, and who wants to wear a fabric that's so ubiquitous?

Exposed abdomens. When it's nice flesh, it's sexy. When it's white and overflowing the waistband and just plain doughy, leave it covered. I don't need to know you that well.

Endings/Beginnings

Today is my second-to-last day at work. It's funny how natural it feels to leave this behind when I get to the end days of the pregnancy. I have no desire to be here, even though I like being here just fine.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm a little bit under the weather, with a headache in its third day and an overpowering urge to sleep.

Tying up loose ends feels kinda good. Now I have to bring all my empty Naya bottles down to the plastic recycling bin in the cafeteria. For some reason I am loath to do this: I guess the last thing I want is one more reason for people to look at me in the corridors and smile.

On the bus this morning I felt an uncomfortable push on my upper right side. I shifted position and touched the spot where the baby was pushing and felt the strangest thing: There was a tangible bump there, and when I ran my fingers over it, I actually felt toes and the balls of a tiny foot! It was bizarre; something that has never happened to me before. I was so shocked I sat there smiling and looking out the window with tears in my eyes. I'll see that little foot with my own eyes before long...

Roller-coaster

I'm starting to experience some strange things, emotionally and physically, that I remember experiencing just before giving birth the two previous times.

[And I had a very vivid dream of hanging on for dear life to the rubber siding of a roller-coaster car as it zoomed up and down and around the tracks at breakneck speed. Hmmm...I wonder what that could mean?]

One of the emotional experiences I've had is an overwhelming sadness and sense of loss for the way things are right now. When I was pregnant with no. 1 I had a serious late-night cry over the loss of D's and my life as a couple, the wonderful romantic time of life that I thought was coming to an end (it wasn't entirely, but it did change, of course).

When I was pregnant with no. 2, I had a late-night weep over the loss of the one-on-one relationship with my first baby, the special bond that we shared (which never really disappeared, but did change).

This past weekend I was suddenly and completely overwhelmed with sadness for my second, who will no longer be my baby after almost 5 years. This was compounded by guilt, because I have had to work (albeit part-time) since he was one, but his dad has been at home with him, and he's a very happy boy. I still feel guilty and sad, because I know that no matter how much I do give him, I could give him more. And now he'll be the "middle child" and he starts kindergarten in the fall. It just all seems like a loss and a diminishment. But he is gaining another sibling, and as I said to D., when we're gone, they will always have each other.

Anyway, so you can see the kinds of thoughts I've been having. It's a complicated time of happiness and anticipation and sadness and trepidation. All soon to be replaced with exhaustion and "What was I thinking?!" moments.

And great joy, of course.

Baby update

I'm starting to get pretty darn excited about this baby. I'm feeling pretty good these days, though my sleep is still not good -- going on four months without a full night's rest; which can't be good.

But I'm still getting a moderate amount of exercise, still eating well and not gaining too much weight (according to my doctor). My son thinks I look hilarious in my underwear, but that's okay. D. is still kind enough to tell me I look beautiful just about every day. I count myself as lucky! Not to mention the fact that the most recent ultrasound shows everything normal with the baby. Of course we never know until he/she is born, but the indications are good, which is all I can ask for now.

I've even managed to narrow down the name choices to two for each sex. I figure when I see the baby I'll know which name goes best.

I am still a little bit scared of the pain, but of course I know that it will be over in a matter of a few hours or days and as long as the baby's okay, that's what counts.

I finish work next Thursday, and I've been told that my friends here will throw a little lunchtime party. Yay! This is an entirely new thing for me: During my other two pregnancies I was self-employed, and so didn't have a work-party or, more importantly (perhaps), maternity-leave benefits! I still can't believe I'm actually going to continue to receive money when I'm at home. What a great feeling of security that gives me. I'm so glad I live in Canada, even though I think "employment insurance" is a huge gouge for the most part. I'm glad it exists, obviously, I just wish more people could benefit from it, seeing as it's their own money that pays the premiums.

Le poisson est absent


I haven't played any April Fool's jokes today. I'm so disappointed in myself!

I usually play one on D., who is incredibly gullible and fun to fool.

My most successful April Fool's gag was a few years back, and it was so simple and easy I must say it was truly brilliant:

D. gets up in the morning, comes into the kitchen and opens his favourite cereal and pours a heap of it into his bowl. Oh no! Out tumbles a folded up, grotty-looking band-aid with the cereal! Ha ha! He was totally freaked out, calling me into the kitchen to look in horror on this clear violation of all the rules of sanitary food packaging. Hee hee!

Another time, I didn't have anything up my sleeve, so I just stood at the front window while he was in the shower and yelled to him that a parade was going by our house, with elaborate descriptions of what I was seeing out the window, etc. He came out of the shower to check it out and -- April fool's! Okay, that one wasn't brilliant, but for something off-the-cuff it was really pretty funny, and he fell for it completely, despite the fact that there was no possible reason for a parade that day.

So I am kicking myself today for not coming up with anything at all. I mean, with a gullible husband like that you're kind of obliged to pull pranks, aren't you?

On the bright side...

I was part of the opening event for the Blue Metropolis festival yesterday, and it went really really well! I had been wracking my brains all weekend for a way to get out of it, mainly because I'm so pregnant and doing anything extra that might be stressful is so unappealing, but partly because I didn't want to get on stage in front of a crowd of people looking so gigantic!

But it was a really good event; lots of good chat about The Last Crossing , which was the "winning" book of CBC's Canada Reads. I was on a panel with Jim Cuddy of Blue Rodeo and journalist/filmmaker Francine Pelletier and another CBC journalist. I'm glad I could be there.

I was completely ravenous by the time it finished; fortunately there was a plate of sandwiches there, and I had the most delicious portobello mushroom wrap. It's true that "hunger is the best sauce".

Both tummy and brain stimulated and happy. Now that's my definition of a successful afternoon.